Help & Support

RED FLAGS

Over the years i have personally experienced some red flags. so the ones below are from personal experience, this is not to say that if s/he shows some of them that they are dangerous, but they are things worth monitoring

Moving TOO fast

There is such a thing as moving too fast.
Do not let anybody pressure you, go at your own pace. 
Date somebody until you can get to know them, move in when you feel the time is right.

Extreme Jealousy & Possessiveness

Jealousy is an emotion. a valid emotion. 
However it can become volatile.
Telling you to stay home with them instead of going out because they cant cope with seeing you having fun without them.

Accusing YOU of cheating

This old chestnut. Usually blame you because they have a guilty conscience. not always, but sometimes. just be aware.

Previous Abuse

This on is self explanatory."Clare's Law" allows anyone to contact the police (non emergency line) and ask about Clare's Law, allowing you to  obtain a 'domestic violence disclosure'.
Anyone can apply for a disclosure using Clare's law, it is designed toprotect potential victims of domestic abuse.

"They dont like me"

Your partner may have broken down or unhealthy relationships with their own family. 
They may also try and sow seeds of doubt in your mind. suggesting that your friends and family dislike them and that you should stay home with them instead,m or not talk to them if they cant accept your partner.

Telling you how to dress

So, let's be clear here, your partner saying s/he likes your hair and make up a certain way is NOT the same as dictating what you should do with it.
you're partner saying you look slutty in a skirt for example is not okay.

Not listening

if your partner dismisses your feelings or makes you feel silly, makes you think your opinion is not important that is not okay, its degradation.

Pressuring you into sex

lets be brutally honest.  if you say no, ITS RAPE. whether s/he is your boy/girlfriend or wife/husband it doesn't matter. no means no. 
You do not have to have sex or do anything you don't want to.

Asking for money

I think mutually spoiling each other is fine. 
however if your partner pressures you to buy them things or asks for cash,it wrong and often times if you say no they will make you feel guilty for not giving them money or for treating yourself and not them.
When you are in a relationship or married, you should always have your own money after SPLITTING the bills.

Silent treatment, taking no responsibility or blame

your partner may give you the silent treatment or blame you, so that they can pass the buck. silent treatment is such a horrid thing and it can really damage someones spirit.

Threatning to harm or kill themselves.

if you tell them something they don't want to hear they ma threaten to harm or kill themselves, this is a very toxic situation and should be handled carefully, preferably with Victim Support (find contact details below). its easier said than done, but if someone is threatening your life you HAVE to leave. youre worth more and people love you!

Extreme Mood swings, Degrading you, comparing you

extreme mood swings from happy tosad to angry or whatever in a short space of time, usually not really a trigger.
degrading you, calling you out of your name, making comments about you and comparing youtp previous partners or other people is not ok, it is gaslighting.